She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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