Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
