she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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