dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
