i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
