So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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