How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
