I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
