Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
