Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
