so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
