I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
