and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
