You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The power of my boobs compel you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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