you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
