I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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