My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
