We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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