Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
