Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
