i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
