Where are you?
In a non slutty way
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
