Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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