i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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