There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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