I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
