I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
