when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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