i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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