I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
