Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
