hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
