I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
