whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
