I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
