That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
