My first STD was from a foam party
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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