I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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