Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
