i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need a beard to bite.
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