I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
