I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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