you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
