so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fuck appropriateness.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
