My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
