wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
