He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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