Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
