If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
