"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
