Dude my mom stole all your condoms
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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