Your face is a jimmy john
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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